6 Most Ridiculous Food Gadgets from Williams-Sonoma

6 Most Ridiculous Food Gadgets from Williams-Sonomafeatured

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This week I trolled the Williams-Sonoma website to take note of the best and worst food innovations and gadgets of 2014. Bet you didn’t know half of these existed, and more importantly….that you kind of want them now?
Futile, or niche? Genius, or trivial? We may never know. Still, allow these items to fill you with wonder and the tweaky itch of consumerist desire….

1. The Chicken Sex Swing
Chicken Sex Swing

The Price:

$29.95

The Description:

“Meet your new favorite way to roast the world’s juiciest, most flavorful chicken—in the oven or on your outdoor grill. Our innovative stainless-steel roaster features exclusive, patent-pending technology that suspends the chicken upside-down. As your bird cooks, the rich, savory juices from the dark meat continually baste the white meat—ensuring uniformly succulent chicken. The elevated position allows 360° heat circulation, so you’re guaranteed a perfectly cooked bird with crispy, golden skin.”

Analysis:

Makes sense, but just unfolding that contraption is enough to make me blush….

2. Booze Spritz for your Booze

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Price: 

$14.95

The Description:

“An alternative to the traditional rinse, the fine spray from this martini atomizer will coat the inside edges of a cocktail glass with just a whisper of spirits. A single pump dispenses the perfect amount of vermouth for a dry martini or absinthe for an herbal absinthe rinse.”

Analysis:

Because apparently this is a thing – here’s your tiny bottle of perfume to spritz cold alcohol into your alcohol, you fancy bastards…

3. The Pie Penetrator
Pie Penetrator

The Price: 

$7.99 – SALE ITEM. Order while supplies last….

The Description:

“Essential for two-crust pies, this handy pastry tool creates a steam vent that prevents the top crust from splitting, causing the filling to spill over the sides. After your pie is baked, the grooves around the outside of the ceramic vent act as cutting guides for eight perfect slices. Simply line up the tip of the knife with each groove, then slice in a straight line toward the edge of the pie.”

Analysis:

Hm, to use a large ceramic tampon? Or to use the age-old tool most trustworthy for culinary endeavours like venting, the KNIFE?

4. Butter Maker: A Jar Story

Butter Maker

The Price: 

$14.95

The Description: 

“Make your own butter at home in minutes with just cream and salt—it’s easy with this simple jar-style “churn.” Homemade butter lets you use the quality ingredients of your choice and ensures the freshest, clearest flavor. Add herbs or garlic to make delicious flavored butters, too. Simply pour in cream, bring to room temperature, shake for several minutes, then strain.”

Analysis:

A jar, sans strainer, remains simply a jar.

THE NON-FUNNIES

5.  Organic Mushroom Log of Wonder
Mushroom LogThe Price:

$29.95

The Description:

“Savor the rich, meaty flavor and delicate texture of homegrown shiitake mushrooms. Grow them indoors or outdoors with little effort and no mess using our hand-cut hardwood log, which is inoculated with spores that produce a crop of organic shiitake mushrooms every two to three months for possibly two to three years. Simply soak the log in water to start the growing process, and you’ll be ready to harvest in just a few weeks. Shiitake mushrooms are delicious in everything from stir-fries and soups to pasta dishes and stews.”

Analysis:

God is real? We are Gods?

6. Air Fryer Air FryerThe Price:

$299.95

The Description:

“We predict this revolutionary machine will forever change your ideas about frying. The first of its kind, the Air Fryer uses patented technology to fry your favorite foods to crispy, golden brown perfection, using little or no oil. It works by precisely circulating hot air, yielding results that are virtually indistinguishable from traditional deep-fried foods. From French fries and fried chicken to homemade doughnuts, this remarkable innovation lets you enjoy all your best-loved fried foods—without the guilt.”

Analysis:

RAAAAWWWR. Fry. ALL. THE. THINGS!!!!

That’s it! The best and worst food gadgets from Williams-Sonoma out right now. Would you pick any of these up? 

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About the author

Welcome!

Here you will find food stories about the recipes I tackle in my kitchen. I promise to always be experimental. There may be food flops and poetic blunders. It’ll be reverse logic - good food that looks bad, bad food that looks amaaaazing, a solid try, a lazy attempt, a ton of stuff and little bits of nothing.

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